We are the Creators of our own Joy

WRITING PROMPT RESPONSE 7/15/20

It’s funny that my mom mind went straight to maintaining my family’s mental health and solidarity when the prompt asked about SELF care. I feel that I will be content with being able to stay home with my family as only a mom–not a teacher, coordinator, facilitator, tutor, coach–that I won’t want for anything. My brain won’t be stretched in a million directions, breaking into particles and tunneling through various blackholes, losing energies that I could not possibly hope to replenish.

I’ll get to do one thing well: be a mother.

For me, that means taking care of my family as a collective and the individuals. With the extremely joyous occasion of welcoming a newborn human into our family, I feel that I want to be able to look forward to things as a family. The birth of the baby and birthdays are our big ones right now, but the birthdays are done in October. Then what? Holidays? Ehh, certainly not as they are.

Self-care for me and for my family means that we will need to look forward to something. We love being part of a big family and creating one now, so how do we continue that big family vibe during a pandemic?

Similar to Kelsey’s form of self-care, we create a routine. While infants and toddlers force a daily one on you (that’s fine with me!). What I would l like to instate is something like our movie/game night. We always look forward to Fridays because we have Mexican food and pick a movie. I’m not saying that we need something every night of the week, but picking 3-4 mornings/nights per week might be achievable.

Some ideas:

• Marsh walks
• Hiking at Oakwoods Metropark ( we are so blessed to be near so many metroparks and preserves)
• Fires for s’mores and roasted apples
• Board games
• Cardboard Cutouts (we get lots of boxes, so we can make things out of them and then pretend)
• Racing games (balloons, cardboard cards, tissue boxes)
• Spooky story telling (they love scary things)
• Themed parties (costume/dress-up, food, games)
• Bring a book to life (play, movie making, story telling with a character)
• Planting seeds
• Painting various objects or their bodies (in the tub or basement

I am by no means a Pinterest mom, (never have been, never will be), but I do like to play and I’m not afraid of a mess. I recognize that my kids are not going to be able to explore through or with relationships with many people. What we can do is enjoy our time together: the little moments and the reserved ones. We’ve been enjoying making things for other people and then sending it to them or videochatting with them. It’s been fun to spend time together as a family and then share that happiness with others who can use some sunshine.

I’ve been trying to teach my kids that we are the creators of our own joy, and to then share that joy when your cup is full.

Pregnancy During a Pandemic

Thank God this is my third kid and not my first.

With all the worries and excitement that should come with creating and introducing a new human into the world, a pandemic should not be amplifying the former and nullifying the latter. Any baby should bring excitement and joy. This one definitely does–we went through a lot to have this one–but I wonder if that makes having baby so much more worrisome.

I’m a worrier by trade: I’m the eldest child and grandchild, I’m type A, and I’m a teacher. Of course I’ll worry about my own children when I worry about everything. So far during the pandemic, I honestly have not been *too* worried about my immediate family. I can control where my toddler and preschooler go, my womb is pretty darn safe, and my husband and I work from home. There have been no worries there.

But like all mothers wonder, how will I keep my newborn safe after they leave the enfolding sanctuary of my body? I have wondered how I would keep my other two babies safe from emotional harm when they’re older, kiss and overcome those skinned knees, and XXXX. What I have never had to wonder is if they (or even we) will survive a pandemic.

I second guess myself if I am being overdramatic. It’s not in my nature to be dramatic despite my being a worrier–I’m pretty logical and level-headed. I just can’t help but be scared. I read widely over a variety of credible sources at the local, state, national, and global levels. Then I take all of that information and try to inform my choices as a parent. But holy shit, how do you do that with still so many unknowns?

This fall, my eldest will be entering kindergarten, or is at least old enough to begin kindergarten. We’re still up in the air about letting her go. Because of my degree in science (biology), I have a pretty decent understanding of how communicable diseases work and know where I can go to learn more. I also know how schools and children operate, and the limits of what the schools can do for our kiddos. I am terrified that my daughter will bring home COVID-19 to our newborn.

What’s a mom to do? Do I trust in the system that the school will be able to do what is best for my eldest daughter? Do I keep her home despite the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation to sending kids to school? What do they say about newborns and school-aged kids? Or do we stay close to caution and just keep everyone home for the sake of our infant?

My head and my heart hurt, but I never thought I would be making choices like this as a parent.

Links to revisit:

https://services.aap.org/en/pages/2019-novel-coronavirus-covid-19-infections/clinical-guidance/faqs-management-of-infants-born-to-covid-19-mothers/

https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2020/06/30/peds.2020-000786

https://www.who.int/maternal_child_adolescent/en/

https://www.who.int/health-topics/coronavirus#tab=tab_1